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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736778">Touch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/writiana/pseuds/writiana'>writiana</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Other, Spencer Reid Fluff, Touch-Starved</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:07:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/writiana/pseuds/writiana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer and you have some trouble communicating about touch, leaving you feeling insecure, touch starved, and Spencer feeling guilty he made you feel that way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spencer Reid/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>146</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Touch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Touching was hard between you and Spencer.<br/>
 <br/>
It wasn’t that you didn’t want to touch him. God, all you ever wanted to do was hold his hand and kiss his soft lips. It was that you were <em>scared</em> to.<br/>
<br/>
You weren’t scared of Spencer, of course; that would be ridiculous. You just weren’t sure what he was comfortable with sometimes. You knew you could ask, and you did sometimes, but more often than not, you were too shy to. It made you feel excessively needy to always be asking for his hand or to cuddle beside him on the couch. You were even more terrified of being rejected in public, which made pda minimal.<br/>
<br/>
It wasn’t that Spencer didn’t want to touch you, either. He just didn’t know <em>how</em> to ask. While you knew exactly what you wanted to say but were too shy to say it, Spencer wanted so badly to ask but didn’t know what to say.<br/>
<br/>
He couldn’t find the words to tell you he wanted you pressed beside him while watching a movie or reading a book. Instead, he squirmed and hoped in silence, which you took to mean he was uncomfortable. You usually moved yourself farther away which, even though he didn’t say it, was the opposite of what he wanted. He couldn’t figure out how to ask you for a hug when he needed one. He didn’t know how to ask for your hand when you were walking in the street. He didn’t know how to ask you for a kiss goodbye.<br/>
<br/>
Sometimes, you asked for these things and he didn’t have to. Most other times, though? You were both too scared.<br/>
<br/>
Touching was hard between you and Spencer, and that was what made your relationship very awkward.<br/>
<br/>
You hoped it would get easier as time went on, but here you were a month later and you still couldn’t figure out how to ask your own boyfriend to simply hold your hand. In the simplest of words, it sucked. You were touch starved and needy for any physical contact from Spencer. It was starting to make you sensitive and being sensitive made you insecure; you were starting to convince yourself Spencer didn’t want to touch you. Maybe he didn’t like you as much as you thought. Maybe you weren’t attractive enough. What if he didn’t actually want to be with you?<br/>
<br/>
Spencer was scared you were going to leave him. He knew he wasn’t giving you the attention you not only deserved, but so desperately wanted. To be completely honest, it was taking a toll on him, too. He worked long days and all he wanted when he saw you each evening was to be spooned, have your fingers in his hair, and have kisses peppered on his face while you told him nice things. Spencer could read people well. For goodness sake, that was his literal job. He could tell you were nervous whenever you asked for even the smallest of touches, and he could tell that sometimes you held back. Spencer could read <em>you</em> well, and he knew you needed more. He knew you <em>wanted</em> more.<br/>
<br/>
It was Friday night and Spencer was yours for the weekend. That didn’t always happen, so you treasured the times it did. You treasured tonight.<br/>
<br/>
You were watching a movie together, something easy to watch because neither of you wanted the stress of an intense movie. You had shyly laid your head on Spencer’s lap, asking quietly if that was okay, and eventually his hand made its way into your hair. You sighed contentedly, cuddling his other arm close to your body.<br/>
<br/>
You felt warm, and not just physically; you felt it spreading from the outside in. You could’ve stayed like that forever. You never totally understood what people meant when they said they had butterflies in their stomach until you met Spencer. He was always able to make you feel fuzzy inside with just the slightest touch. Of course, that only made you crave more. All you ever wanted was to be with him, in whatever way that may be.<br/>
<br/>
Without thinking much about it, you let out a quiet, “I like this.”<br/>
<br/>
Spencer hummed softly, not saying anything in return.<br/>
<br/>
You felt your stomach drop, scared that he <em>didn’t</em> like this. Your heartbeat sped up and it felt like a million and one thoughts were running through your mind. You regretted saying anything at all.<br/>
<br/>
<em>He doesn’t want this.</em><br/>
<br/>
<em><strong>You have to ask.</strong></em><br/>
<br/>
<em>He doesn’t want you.</em><br/>
<br/>
<em><strong>You have to ask.</strong></em><br/>
<br/>
<em>He doesn’t want to be touched.<em><br/>
<br/>
<em><strong>You. Have. To. Ask.</strong></em><br/>
<br/>
“Hey bub?” you asked softly.<br/>
<br/>
“Yeah, sweetheart?” He looked down at you and gave you a small smile, bringing you a sense of comfort as he did so.<br/>
<br/>
You grabbed onto his free hand and started playing with it, twisting his knuckles and softly rubbing his fingers.<br/>
<br/>
“How are you feeling right now?” you asked.<br/>
<br/>
“Pretty good,” he smiled watching you, “relaxed.”<br/>
<br/>
That was a positive answer, a <em>good one. Relaxed. Relaxed meant he was content right now, content while touching you. Relaxed meant he was happy right now, happy while touching you. Relaxed meant you had nothing to worry about, <em>right</em>?<br/>
<br/>
But you still couldn’t shake what you had been thinking for the past month.<br/>
<br/>
<em>Spencer doesn’t want to touch you.</em><br/>
<br/>
“You know,” your voice cracked, “if you don’t like being touched, or in any certain way, you can tell me.”<br/>
<br/>
Spencer’s eyes visibly softened, although you couldn't see because of your lack of eye contact. You tended to do that when you were uncomfortable – avert your eyes from other’s – and Spencer often did the same.<br/>
<br/>
In that moment, however, it was almost like all his worries went away the second he could see yours.<br/>
<br/>
He brought a hand to your face and with two fingers softly turned your head so you were looking at him. That small touch alone could’ve made you cry, but you held yourself together as you looked into his eyes.<br/>
<br/>
“I love when you touch me,” he whispered.<br/>
<br/>
“Are you sure?” you croaked out.<br/>
<br/>
Spencer didn’t know what to say, not because he didn’t know the answer, but because he never knew just how apprehensive you were about this. He knew you wanted to be touched, but he didn’t know you thought he <em>didn’t</em> want to be touched.<br/>
<br/>
“Is this why you’ve been so scared to touch me?” he finally let out. “You think I don’t want you to?”<br/>
<br/>
You nodded slowly, scared you said something dumb. You didn’t want to make things worse or embarrass yourself, but he had just seemed so distant sometimes.<br/>
<br/>
“I just don’t know how to ask,” he whispered.<br/>
<br/>
You sat up, grabbing one of his hands to hold.<br/>
<br/>
“And I get too shy to ask,” you responded.<br/>
<br/>
“I know,” he nodded, “and I hope that doesn’t make you feel you feel bad or anything, but I knew. I knew what you wanted, I just didn’t know how to talk about this.”<br/>
<br/>
The tension in the air melted.<br/>
<br/>
“Well,” you gave him a soft smile while rubbing the back of his hand, hoping that would comfort him the same way it did for you. “Maybe we should start by talking about communication. I think we both need to be more open with each other.”<br/>
<br/>
“Yes. Yes of course,” Spencer nodded again, “You know poor communication is the number one reason couples break up?”<br/>
<br/>
You smiled at him, leaning forward to kiss his lips.<br/>
<br/>
“You're a dork,” you said softly.<br/>
<br/>
Spencer simply closed his eyes, sighing. He never wanted that to stop – your lips on his.<br/>
<br/>
“Kiss me again,” he whispered.<br/>
<br/>
And you did.</em></em></em></p>
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